Sunday, April 19, 2009

ENTIRELY SATIRICAL, but read it anyhow.

Normally,while speaking in a spiritual context, I try never to make statements that cannot be clearly proven by at least one Scriptural text. However, I am about to go against that rule of thumb, and set forth a carefully reasoned opinion that, while I can't readily point to a proof-text, I still hold to be a self-evident and logical conclusion.

Before I reveal my sincerely held conviction, I must set the context. Many times, over the years, I have heard it said that when the rapture of the Church takes place, there will be mass chaos. Airplanes will fall from the sky. People will disappear before the very eyes of their loved ones. Also there will be multiple car crashes when the saved drivers are caught away. Makes sense, I guess.

However, it is my most dogmatically held opinion that, if you are driving an automobile on any public roadway when the rapture occurs, and if at the moment of the rapture you happen to be making a turn that requires you to signal your intention to other motorists, and you do not signal, you will not be going in the rapture!

I'm sorry! Really, I am! However, after years of driving on Florida streets and highways, I have concluded that there is no place for you in heaven."Then, what shall be my fate?" You may ask. I'm not sure, but I suspect that you are probably gonna go to the same place where professing Christians who don't correctly use "there","their",and "they're in their writing go. To the place where those who confuse "two, "too",and "to" go, and "your" and "you're", and those so-called Christians who voted for Obama go. I don't have any Scripture on where that place is, but I'm sure it's gonna be horrible. I'll bet they all drive Fords there.(SHUDDER)

Sunday, April 12, 2009


HAPPY RESURRECTION DAY, everyone! I certainly hope you will all have a joyous celebration with your Church family today.

While multitudes around the world are struggling to achieve salvation through the rites and rituals of a false religion; and still others, in so-called Christian religions will have themselves whipped or even crucified, we will rejoice in a salvation already completed!

The whipping has already been done. The Crucifixion is over.My sins have been forever punished. The cross is bare. For the One who hung there has left it. He has passed into the grave and out again with complete life and victory for His people. He is "The Author and Finisher of our faith."

There are some in more 'mainstream' denominations believing that if they can "hold out and hang on and endure to the end..." then they might be able to make it through to eternal life. To them, I say: The only one who could hold out, hang on and endure to the end, has held out and hung on and has come through victorious in the end! REJOICE!